Step Parenting Teenagers
Considering one out of three Americans is a member of a blended family, step parenting teenagers is a significant issue. Parenting adolescents can be difficult even when they are your own blood. Their desire for independence and possible resentment only intensifies a less than ideal situation. Here are a few tips to maintain peace in the house and have a positive influence on your step teens.
No favorites- It is natural to have stronger feelings toward your own biological children than your step kids. Just make certain those feelings do not move over to your parenting style. Teenagers are very sensitive to fairness and consistency. Treat the step kids with the same consideration and respect you do your own children. You can build a connection with the step teen by separating your actions with your feelings until real caring develops.
Spend Time
Spend Time- It is important to build a relationship with stepchildren that you both enjoy. Take the role of skill teacher or older friend. In this role you can play sports with them, or teach something you are good at the teen also likes. Spend one-on-one time with them without the biological children around so you can pick up on their interest. Step teens will probably resist these efforts at first, but over time you can build your own relationship built on mutual interests, separate from their biological parents.
Step Back
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Step Back – Depending on the views of the spouse, consider taking on a less parental role. Step parenting teenagers is complicated. The best idea is to leave the discipline to the biological parent. Once a closer bounds form, it may be possible to share this role. You role as step-parent is appropriate behind the scenes by helping with discipline decision making and supporting the spouse.
Show Trust
Show Trust – Trust is important to teenagers. Find ways to send the message that you trust them. For instance, maybe allow them to borrow your car on a date night. These concessions go a long way to to a teen and will help you build a connection.
Be a Team
Be a Team - It is not unusual for two people to have different ideas on how to parent children. However, teens are fighting for independence and will use signs of division to their advantage. While the biological parent should take the lead in discipline, blended families must have a consistent message for all children. Sit down and make a plan with your spouse. If you are unable to come to agreement take a parenting class with the spouse so you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.
Step parenting children can feel like walking on eggshells. But, in time a relationship built on mutual respect is possible. Remember you are likely coming into the picture after the teen has experienced many losses. You may encounter strong resistance as the outsider and should not take their displaced anger personally. Unfortunately, the Brady Bunch ideal of instant love is a myth. However, after time you and your step-teens can warm to each other and form a healthy blended family.
Paul Beard
http://www.familylifepage.com